Divorce Disabled Dad (DDD)

Weird way to see the problem, right? Perhaps not. One of the biggest problems in any relationship is communication. Or perhaps it would be better explained as a lack of proper communication. As mentioned in previous posts, I have been married and divorced three times. Looking back, the fundamental problem in my opinion, revolved around simple communication. Communication is different for everyone. Some people get the majority of information they are looking for from body language and facial expression. Having been divorced three times I can honestly say that the majority of miscommunication or misinformation that I received from my ex-wives was 100% verbal. I've never understood saying one thing while meaning another. It's very deceptive. We all know the old cliches. If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. If she asked you if that's your final answer, she's actually giving you the opportunity to change your answer because she already knows the correct answer ac

Dating is a real challenge for people with learning challenges of any age.  I had my first "girlfriend" in elementary school. With today's political heretics attempting to expose sex to elementary school age children, it is a very different arena compared to what I faced. We really didn't know anything about sex, and that is exactly as it should be. Kids should be innocent of sex. We understood a little about gender. Boys and Girls just had different parts. But we liked each other. So we played together on the playground. Sat with each other at lunch. And talked to each other when we could. I can't remember what all we talked about. But I imagine Transformers, princesses, Thundercats, Disney movies, cartoons, and coloring were popular. I mentioned my twin earlier. We did try to support each other as much as we could. But at times our relationship was strained due to my behaviors at home. This young lady was the first non teacher who I felt paid more attention to w

Do you have a favorite song? I have one for every situation. Our likes and dislikes change over time. But I think the music that we were exposed to during our formative years is the genre which follows us throughout life the most. I am sure there is some science that verifies this thought. As a RN, you would think I could quote some growth and development aspect of this phenomenon. But we haven't gotten to my adult disability. I have Hashimotos encephalopathy. Not thyroiditis. It affects memory, among many other things. I have had two strokes. So, much of what I learned in my nursing career and education is not readily accessible. It is still there, but sometimes it is hard to find.  But music was, and is, always there for me. In every Good or bad situation. My title today was about real music. I joined the school band in Middle School. With the dyslexia, learning to read music was nearly impossible. I would have to hear my instruments part before anything on the music sheet made a

  Up until 2011 reading has been an integral part of life for me. Even today I still struggle with reading. There are a combination of different reasons for today's issues concerning my current status. But I had found in reading a way to escape the aggravations of my education shortcomings. There are things in life that we do because we have to, and this was my biggest conflict with the modern American education system. Learning wasn't about what we wanted to do, or what we wanted to know. The entire system is designed so that everyone has the same level of Education once they exit High School. As far as mass education goes this may be a good thing, but what is happening to our artists, our musicians, our writers of great literature? Most of these people throughout history have flourished because of the latitude they had in their lives to express their innate ability to learn and grow through whatever craft they chose. Todays world is centered on everyone fitting into the box o

My brother and I were both in the Boy Scouts.  While today there is much controversy concerning the scouts, in the 80's it was a great time to be a scout.  There was a handy group of us who were friends at school.  There are a multitude of reasons for our friend group to have been established.  One factor was brothers.  Two of the boys in our class had brothers two grades ahead of us.  It was a very different time.  The cold war with Russia recently ended.  The Wall in Germany had just fell.  and the Original Red Dawn movie had been released.  It was also a time when people had real civic and national pride in the US.  Nothing like the turmoil of today.  The "progressive screamers" were there, but as a nation, we were still adjusting to the new world organization with our main enemy since WWII falling apart.  Here are a couple of books about that time, the wall, and Russia breaking up. The Berlin Wall in Germany The Fall of the Soviet Union Everything 80's Big hair ba

 Elementary school remained a challenge for me.  Mrs. Smith had reinforced that the way I looked at things in life were not necessarily wrong, just different.  It was both a comfort and a curse having your mother as a teacher where you went to school.  When I was legitimately sick, the kids would oh and ah that I was trying to manipulate my mom out of doing my schoolwork.  No matter the situation, kids are mean.  Teasing and bullying can be worse when your mom is right there with you.  Not to mention when she is urging everyone to act as though my educational challenges were merely a behavioral problem, instead of a diagnosable issue which needed accommodations.  Educationally challenged students bear the brunt of much ridicule. Please do not misconstrue what I am trying to communicate here. My parents did the best they could, considering the available resources at the time.  My mom's only goal was to merely keep me in as normal a learning environment as possible.  I appreciate how

  In a previous post I mentioned that my father was in the beginnings of business computing for GMAC.  He had been working there for seven years when the office burned down.  GM made the decision to relocate the programming department to Ohio from Dallas.  Each member of the office team was given the option of company paid relocation to Ohio, or to transfer locally to other departments.  My parents opted to relocate.  I do not remember anything from that time.  My previous post concerning my elementary education challenges happened after this move.   We lived in Ohio for approximately 5 years.  In 1977 my father's father died.  In 1979, my parents decided to relocate back home to East Texas, to be closer to aging and ailing parents.  My dad was the only surviving son of 5 brothers.  My mother's father was diagnosed in the 70's with Parkinsons disease. And while her mother was quite capable, my mother felt a bit of comfort at being available if needed.  I have few memories o

My education was very difficult. Especially in the US school system. In early elementary, I was quite the challenge. Double vision, dyslexia, all the signs and behaviors with what is known today as autism. I failed every class. Even art.  My mother was proactive. She worked diligently to ensure I wasn't merely overlooked and placed with the retarded kids.   I know that is an unacceptable term today.  But the distinction is very important. Back then every child with any learning disability was put into one room.  No real learning can take place in such an environment. And I am not speaking in platitudes. I am speaking from direct experience. Everyone was treated according to the most challenged student. Luckily for me, my mom was a fierce advocate. She spent many hours, several days a week, arguing with teachers, counselors, and principles concerning keeping me in a regular classroom. My parents decided I needed a different environment. We lived in a subdivision on the boarder of tw

Mostly normal. We were a typical American family. Mom, dad, 2 brothers (I am a twin) and a sister. By the time of this writing both of our parents have passed. Both were college educated and led very productive careers. While dad's education was in agriculture, he wound up a computer programmer for GMAC.  Mom was an educator. Elementary music. Like many people, Dad stumbled into his career. Before we were born, Mom's brother had come to visit us in the DFW metroplex in Texas. He was looking for work. At the time dad was a science teacher.  But like any good husband, he "volunteered" to take my uncle to job interviews listed in the paper. Yes, the paper, for you younguns.  At one such interview there was an aptitude test. When the tester came to the lobby to retrieve the hopefuls, Dad didn't get up. When asked why, he explained he was merely his brother in laws ride. The tester told him the test would take over an hour and he might as well sit for it as well. The f

So,  what is this all about?  I have been disabled since 2011.  I have been divorced since 2017.  As a single father on disability, I have spent much time trying to figure out what is wrong with me.   Why am I single?  What is it about me that makes it so difficult to maintain a healthy relationship? What is wrong with my expectations in marriage?   Why am I asking myself these questions?  Well, I have successfully married three times. I have also successfully divorced three times.  But I have continually failed at marriage.  You have to understand the distinction to understand what I am looking for concerning this blog.  Getting married is easy. Getting divorced is easy. Getting married is cheap. Getting divorced is not. The time between these two events, marriage and divorce is a profound journey. What is the journey about? Simply stated, the journey is specifically about success or failure. What determines the difference? Effort. Are you willing to put in the effort to succeed? And